Deep thought

WARNING: Whilst writing this post, I was sorta in a morbid mood, so if that comes across I apologise now. Just thought I’d lat ya all know that this could get angsty.

Right. Going to get the general stuff out of the way to begin with.

Half term, well, what would be half term of I wasn’t on study leave now, has come and gone. Little kiddiewinks are back at school now. And it was generally ok. Spent it with my brother, and then a couple of times m y sister and my cousin came over to spend time with us. Which was cool cos I haven’t seen her (my cousin, not my sister) in god knows how long. She’s grown. A lot. She’s the same height, if not taller than, Judi. This means that she is taller than me. But hey, I don’t mind. She takes after her dad, who if I remember from the last time that I saw him, god, almost 7, 8 years ago, he was about 6’3 or 4 or so. Anyway, I know that Judi can be hard to deal with sometimes. But whenever Jo is around, it’s like they were separated at birth or something. Which is impossible, because, well 1 she is my cousin, and 2, she was born about 2 years after her. But anyway, it was nice to see her again. If only for those couple of days. One of which was spent making up this mick- take thing for the Lion King to perform to her brother and whichever other family members where there when she was taken home at the weekend. They “performed” it to me and mark about 4 times, and each time the ending was changed. This annoyed Jo completely. See, they had these masks etc, and so Judi was narrating while Jo was acting, and because Judi kept changing the story each time they performed it, Jo was almost at her wits end. But hey, it’s Judi; it's what I would have expected of her.

Went out on Thursday evening with peeps for Mamo's birthday. It was cool. Saw people that I haven’t seen since January or last year when they broke up in the case of Mike. But yeah, had a good time. And everyone says that I giggle and quote through films. I would like to take this opportunity to point out that I did not giggle. At all. Despite being told that some of the lines would have me in fits. They didn’t. The film was alright. Bit slow to start with. But like I said, I had a good time.

Also would like to take this moment in time to downright swear that those were LUCY’S ideas… I just helped pick them out. (Mamo and Lucy know what I’m talking about!)

But now the “holidays” are over. And it’s back to work or school, or revising for those of us still at school. I think all of the uni students have finished for the summer now. So it’s back to joyful revision for even more joyful exams. Woo hoo.

Wasn’t sure if I was going to put this bit in, but figured what the heck.

Do you know the story of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the galaxy? The book series; not the film, radio or TV series. If you do, skip this next little bit, if you don’t, why the heck not?! Well, anyway, in the story there is a computer known as deep thought, made to calculate the ultimate answer to life the universe and everything. It comes up with 42. Then it gets set the challenge of thin king up the ultimate question. Which it can’t do. So a new computer is made to find the ultimate question. This computer is Earth. Anyway, in the 3rd, I think it’d the 3rd, book, Arthur Dent, one of the main guys, is sitting teaching some locals on this deserted island how to play scrabble. And then he draws out some tiles, completely at random. What comes out is “The ultimate question is “what is six times nine?””

But if the answer to the ultimate question is 42, then this must mean that there is some miscalculation in either the original Deep Thought, or in the way that the ultimate question was found. And so if this apparently great computer can get the ultimate answer wrong, or the last remaining original human can get the ultimate question wrong, what chance is there for the rest of the world? And before you go on and on, yes I know it is only science fiction/fantasy call it what you will. But then most people accept 42. Anyway, that’s just something that I’ve been thinking about. I don’t really know why. Just for all those who were wondering.

Been doing some thinking recently. I know, I know, I tend to do that a lot. But it’s me. So I’m afraid you’re going to have to accept it. Remember how I said that I was playing go-between for my parents? I wish they wouldn’t put me in that situation. But yet they do. I went to see Elvis Costello in concert on Monday. That was absolutely amazing. Well, the concert was anyway. My mum took that night to try to find out from me about my dad’s, what, girlfriend? God, that sounds wired. Well, it does to me at any rate. Anyway, yeah, my mum was trying to find out form me about her. Which is very hard, considering A) I don’t like being put in these places and try to avoid them as much as possible, B) I think that my dad is allowed to have some secrets now that they have separated. (And that’s another thing I don’t understand. They aren’t getting divorced. Despite them knowing that it is over, and them moving on with they’re lives, a part of them can’t, because technically they are still husband and wife, with all the marital attributes that entails. And that’s confusing as hell. Anyway…) And C) I don’t know that much about her anyway. I have never met her; I don’t know what she’s like as a person. All I know is that at the moment she seems to be making my dad smile in a way that he hasn’t for a long time, and so I am happy for him.

Here’s a question. Do you believe in soul mates? The idea that there is someone for everyone? Or do you think that some people are destined to spend their lives alone? See, I was having a chat with someone (who shall remain nameless, but they know who they are. And I don’t know if they read this or not, so I want to keep them anonymous) the other day about this sort of idea. Some people that think that they do have a soul mate will keep looking until they find “the one”. And, with any luck, that person will feel the same way, and be available, and want to be in a relationship. But what abut those who get hurt by loving someone, and then cut themselves off from the world? They haven’t found their soul mate, but don’t want to run the risk of being hurt again. What happens to the person that is the innocent bystander in all this? The one who hasn’t given up on love but can only ever settle for second best because their soul mate has given up. So they get on with their lives. They marry; have 2.4 kids, a house with white picket fences. But they’re just content. And all they ever will be is content. Because the choice for true happiness has been taken from them. Is that living? Or is it just simply existing in a world that agrees with them? And I know that that can be a pretty morbid thought, but it’s just been on my mind recently.

Isn’t it strange how people can know you better than you know yourself? You can think that you’re completely fine, and then someone else points out how you’re really not fine? That’s been happening a fair bit recently. I think that I’m fine, I’m coping with whatever life happens to throw at me that day, and it isn't until someone points out just how transparent I am being that it sinks in that I’m not coping. And that’s a scary thought. To know that other people seem to be able to read me better than what I can. Sure, on some level it’s comforting because I know that there are some people out there who I don’t need to say specifically what is up. A look, a comment, anything, can tell them that there is something wrong. And if I know that there is then it just makes the communication of that that much easier. But then again, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you need a mask to hide behind, a façade to put up because it is the only way that you can get form one second to the next, one minute to the next, one hour to the next, eventually one day to the next. It may well be coward-ness, but them again; some coping strategies are to repress memories. And in a way this is just an extension to that. Of course, if you’re Freud, it means that later in life all these unresolved things are going to come back up and crush you. Of course, if you're Freud, you think that all boys fantasise sleeping with their mothers at the age of about 5, and so it could be quite possible that you are insane.

Did anybody watch that painting of Britain thing that was on the other night? Something occurred to me as I was watching it. One artist was looking for the “best view” or something, and fell to his death on a mountain. Other artists of the time took his story and made “romantic” portraits of it. Because of course some poor soul has just fell off one of the most treacherous mountains in Britain; let's break out the flowers and champagne! What a wired thing to call romantic. Ah well.

Did you know that teens are more likely to die before their parents because of binge drinking? Well, the number of people outliving their parents because of binge drinking is rising. That’s a pretty scary thought really. Yes, sometimes you do want to go out with your mates for a few drinks in celebration or something. Not that I ever have, I can’t, well, not yet anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah. It got me thinking. (Hmm, maybe I do that too much.) Anyway, it takes about 10 years for serious drinking to finally pack in your liver if you constantly binge drink. So that could mean that if you start to binge drink at 18, by 28 you could be in need of a liver transplant because you have seriously knackered up this one. Of course, it won’t happen to everyone. I’m talking worst case scenario, with the drinking taking up a large proportion of the time during those 10 years, so there is a change that they could be alcoholics. Yet still people go out and binge drink. And it is the women who suffer more, and again I’m not saying that this is true in all cases, but women can only hold 2/3 of the alcohol men can. It’s been scientifically proven or something. Anyway, it doesn’t look good for female teens who constantly go out drinking with guys, as to “keep up” they have to intake more alcohol than their bodies can withstand. What does that say about you young people? Are we doomed to become more statistics? Just something that came to my attention. What do you people think on the subject?

If someone was to come up to you and say “hey, today is your last day on earth”, would you wish that there was something that you had done but had never found the time or the courage to do? And I don’t just mean “oh I wish I had painted that wall” or “I wish someone had told me so I could have fed the cat/dog/mountain goat” or even “I’ll regret dying”. I’m talking about seriously wished that you had done something different. Like “oh I wish I had taken that job” or “if only I had listened to so-and-so’s advice I wouldn’t be here now.” Those sorts of regrets. Ok, so we’re young, we’re meant to be carefree and innocent, taking each day as it comes. But it seems more and more that, to use a cliché, which by the way I HATE, it seems that youth I wasted on the young. These days’ young people do spend time thinking about things that they have no control over, and that don’t really affect them. Sure, some issues do affect them, and so it is understandable that they will want to think about them. But sometimes the issues are so far over our heads that there is not a snowball in hell’s chance that we can do a dammed thing about them. But then there is the other side of that where people say that young people don’t know what they are talking about, and that is the reason why the decisions are taken away from us. But who is it to say that they are always over our heads and that we wont understand them? How can we understand if older people don’t give us the chance to see and find out about these so called “over-our-head” issues? And I know that I’m really contradicting myself, and if you made sense of that well I applaud your courage.

Hey, there was a reason this post was called “deep thought”! Well I think that I’ll leave this here.

Oh, just one more thing while I remember… will people NOT use my blog as a place to have a CHAT, Lucy and Aidan. Yes, I know it was you! I know where BOTH of you live! If you want to chat… go use Lucy’s blog, or email or something! Just please DON’T do it here, or I’ll take away commenting. Well to some degree anyway. And I would really like not having to do that. Thank you for your co-operation.

Countdowns:
Last exam: 16 days
Holiday: 34 days
Exam results: 71 days
Birthday: 77 days